Namashkaar... Air India mein sabka swaagath hai.

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Air India.  We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre. This is flight 981 to Thiruvananthapuram. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in your favor, we may even be landing on your village! I request every body to relax and enjoy the journey. This aircraft is privileged to have made the least number of accidents in it's total flying period. That is, only 72 minor accidents in 62 years. Air India has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers have reached their destination.

Food will be served onboard if we take off. For your convenience, air sickness bags will be supplied right after food so that you can avoid vomiting on the floor. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and vada paavw. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch a look at important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.

Once again, thank you for flying by Air India.