THE GIFT.
  A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,
and as they had not been dating very long, after very careful consideration,
he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
  Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister,
he went to Grace Brothers and bought a pair of white gloves.
The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves
and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents,
the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
  "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any
when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister,
I would have chosen the long ones with buttons,
but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
  These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair
she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
   I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time,
as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
  When you take them off, remember to blow into them before putting them away,
as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year.
  I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
  All my love,
     ps The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."


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LEGS IN THE AIR
   Little Johnny's pet rooster had died when he got home from school.
Rigour mortis had set in and the legs were sticking up in the air.
When his father came home he asked him,    
"Why are the legs sticking up in the air dad?'
  His father, thinking quickly, said, 'Johnny,
that is so God in his infinite wisdom can reach down from the clouds
and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.
   'Gee, Dad, that's great,' said Johnny.
   A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out yelling,
'Dad, Dad, we almost lost Mum today!'
   'What do you mean, Johnny?'
  'Well, Dad, I happened to come home from school early and walked into your bedroom
and there was Mum flat on her back, legs in the air yelling "Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming."
And if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure.'